342: A Six Pack Attack
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345: Okido-Hakase to Odamaki-Hakase! Himitsu kichi no tatakai!
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And then Max reminds him that they're meant to stop off and see Professor Birch first.
Yes, that's right; it's time to meet up once again with ACTION PROFESSOR BIRCH!
And holy shit, here he comes!
His jeep zooms over the top of the cliff, crashes down and skids to a halt besides them, and he asks them what they're doing there, and he explains he is actually running late to pick up... Professor Oak!
Holy shit, Action Professor Birch from Action University, Des Moines AND horny old Professor Oak! Ash and Brock jump into the back of the ACTION JEEP and tell May and Max they'll meet back up with them soon, and then zoom off.
Wow, Professor Birch, Ash, Brock, May, Max AND Professor Oak. It's going to be a....
Despite his previous urgency, Birch drives them along at a more sedate pace, shouting out to a Skarmory they pass and NOT looking at the road, causing him to almost crash into an old lady on a cart being hauled by a Camerupt.... and miss the dirty old bastard sleeping on the back of the wagon with a classy fedora pulled over his face.
Oh boy, it's going to be one of THESE episodes!
Back at Birch's lab, Birch's research assistant Joshua has brought out the three starter Pokemon for May and Max to pet. May remembers her own inauspicious start to the world of Pokemon, and Max laughs that the more things change the more they stay the same, and chases Max as he giggles and then runs into Professor Oak!
And bows down to him!
He pulls out pictures of Professor Oak posing from a magazine...
!
...and he signs them for Max, who dances as Oak discovers that Birch, Ash and Brock have gone down to pick him up. Max asks Oak about the Pokemon at his Lab in Pallet Town, and Oak goes him one better, calling out a Charmander, Squirtle and Bulbasaur! He explains Birch has been begging him to bring three of the Kanto Starters to Hoenn for a long time now, so he finally acquiesced.
Watching all of this with great interest is Team Rocket, and Meowth suggests that they grab all six for the Boss, and waits with great anticipation for them to ask why, so he can explain in the form of a patented Meowth Crazy Giovanni Fantasy!
"Imagine da day tah day pangs da Boss endures over seeing da army of worthless bums dat work for him... present company excluded of course," Meowth explains, as we see a VERY dramatic and handsome Giovanni in a trenchcoat staring mournfully out over the sea.
"As he searches da horizon looking for meaning in life, he'll turn to see his six new buddies, standing at da ready!"
"MYYYYY..... FRRRIENDS!" grates Giovanni is a very Meowth-like voice.... and then things get weird.
REALLY WEIRD!
"Dey'll remind him of happier days frolicking as a young junior Pokemon trainer," Meowth insists, "His life will have new meaning, dere will be a fire in his eyes boining with a passion for living!"
Giovanni's eyes explode with flames, as do the eyes of the six young happy Pokemon staring up at him, and Meowth continues his mad descent, "And you know what he's going to say? 'Meowth and dose udda friends who sent me dese Pokemon are just the type of Team Rocket members I need woiking for me!'"
Rather than telling their insane friend that he needs help, Jesse and James fully embrace his madness and declare they're going to be rich.
Meanwhile Brock is staring through a magnifying glass at Bulbasaur's bulb, and then starts poking it as Professor Oak warns you must be careful how you touch it...
Words to live by, Gentle Dodgers.
Bulbasaur tackled Max over and he laughs it has a great tackle attack, then rushes over and starts bothering Charmander and Squirtle, having a really good time.
How good?
THIS GOOD!
Charmander blasts him with flame and then Squirtle blasts water in his face, and Professor Oak roars with laughter while Bulbasaur pokes at May with a tentacle-like vine....
Oh dear, just where is this going?
Before any multiple orifice violation can take place, however, a giant robotic Skiploom appears!
Well ain't that just always the way!
They blast out a net and capture the Starters, and Oak tells Joshua to stay here and watch the lab while he, May and Max give chase to Team Rocket as their sail away in their Skiploom-Bot.
Meanwhile Ash, Brock and Birch are confused as to where Oak is, and Birch calls up Joshua and discovers what happened. He tells Joshua they'll be back soon, and tells him that he needs to find something owned by Professor Oak, May or Max.
The three in question have lost the Skiploom, which Oak says shouldn't be possible considering the size, and then they spot the cave behind a nearby waterfall and pop in, sneaking carefully but passing an infra-red sensor that seals the door while surveillance cameras watch them.
What kind of Team Rocket base is this? It actually has stuff!
Stuff that works!
They spot the six starters at the end of the cave and rush forward, only to fall into a hole dug by Team Rocket. May has had enough, and grabs at a Pokeball, only for them to be sucked out of her hands by a vacuum held by James. He, Jesse and Meowth laugh and mock the trio's stupidity for falling into the hole, parodying a Professor Oak poem as Jesse stands with her back turned to be sure that Professor Oak gets a good look up her skirt.
Hey, if you got it, flaunt it!
They run off in delight, bars closing over the top of the hole, leaving them completely helpless to escape.
EXCEPT FOR AN ACTION PROFESSOR FROM ACTION UNIVERSITY, DES MOINES!
Professor Birch zooms over a rocky road in his jeep, crying out to Ash and Brock that a friend of his lives up this "road" and can help them out.
But as Action makes its way to save the day, the trapped trio are not without their own plans, in fact May is in the middle of suggesting that she get Professor Oak's head between her legs!
GETCHA MINDS OUTTA DA GUTTA!
She is going to stand on Professor Oak's shoulders and have Max stand on hers, figuring that Max is small enough to fit through the grate. But before they start, Professor Oak asks Max for the pictures he has of him!
Meanwhile, Team Rocket are getting drunk!
Yes they're sitting at a table by a fountain inside their surprisingly effective "base", claiming to be drinking water but quite obviously pissed off their heads on some kind of alcohol. James mumbles drunkenly to Meowth that they should be keeping an eye on their prisoners, but Meowth is way ahead of him, pointing out a security monitor receiving a feed from the camera in the hole.... and showing a surprisingly smiling, posing Professor Oak!
Yes, that's what Oak used the photos for, a shitty attempt to cover their escape that would only work on a bunch of lousy drunks... which luckily Team Rocket currently are!
Max manages to pull himself up through the grate with some effort and Oak tells him to get the Pokemon to use a Fire Attack, then a Water Attack, then a tackle to shatter the cage. Max gets to order Pokemon to use attacks, and they work well together, breaking out of the cage and onto Max, molesting him with delight.
Hooray?
HEY TRAINERS WHICH OF THESE POKEMON IS THE BEST TO BATTLE SLOWKING? NIDOQUEEN, JOLETON OR MAKUHITA? IF YOU CHOSE JOLTEON, THEN ITS PROBABLY BECAUSE IT LOOKS REALLY FUCKING AWESOME, BUT LUCKILY IT'S ALSO THE RIGHT ANSWER!
Professor Birch has reached the furtherest edge of the "road" that the jeep can get across, and Birch calls his "friend", the happy little puppy Poochyena. It sniffs Max's backpack and gets the scent, heading off towards the cave.
At the cave, Oak has congratulated Max on the way he called the Pokemon Attacks, but now it is time to get a hold of May's Pokeballs. They head towards the centre of the base and discover Team Rocket have moved on to some harder stuff than alcohol, something that leaves them with a serious case of the munchies and has them chowing down on food and running around like idiots.
Oh my.
Professor Oak notices a Zubat and figures he can use it and Bulbasaur together. He has use Zubat use Supersonic to cripple the dancing Team Rocket, then Bulbasaur grabs May's Pokeballs with its Vine, dragging them back to the trio. Oak says they should cheese it, but when they get to the entrance they find the door sealed, and they trip the alarm. Meowth spots them on the big security monitor, but Jesse insists Oak (Professor Twerpy, she calls him) is still in his cell... and then the photo falls off of the camera, much to her drunken horror while Meowth points at her ass, because apparently she's so drunk she sat on something or had an "accident".
They realise the Pokeballs are gone and Meowth hits a button that slams bars down to block them in.... and a Dugtrio pops up through the dirt. They leap down the hole after it, coming out to an underground lake and discovering a sleeping Gyarados. Oak leads them quietly away, hoping not to awaken the notoriously ill-tempered Pokemon.
Jesse meanwhile is being anything but quiet, discovering the hole they have escaped through and shouting that THEY'RE the ones who dig holes. Meowth gasps that they're copying them, and they lift the bars up and head on down the hole, Meowth cheering loudly and then freezing in horror as he spots the Gyarados. Jesse and James slide down the hole screaming, Jesse clambered up on top of a wincing James, and when they hit the ground they claim the other either pushed or pulled them, their yelling awakening the Gyarados. It roars and blasts them with Water Gun, and they fly into the air crying they'll let themselves out.
Birch, Ash and Brock run along a riverbank and Birch spots a Poliwrath sitting sadly in the water, while Zubat hang from the trees. He notes that they usually both live in the cave behind the waterfall, and figures someone has disrupted the cave .
Inside that very cave, Oak, May and Max have discovered another sealed exit, but Max spots a small hole right on the edge of the door that seems to move all the way through to the other side. He calls out, and outside by another door, Poochyena hears Max and leads Birch, Ash and Brock to the other exit. Oak checks the door and figures the right combination of attacks should be able to take the door down, and tells Ash he needs a Water Gun attack followed by Thunderbolt. Brock calls out Lombre and Mudkip to blast it with water, then Pikachu zaps the door. Oak figures that a Tackle should be able to do it, and gives Max a pop quiz on which are capable of tackling, then tells him Treecko's Pound will also help, and May notes her Skitty can use Tackle too. They send them all in and they blast against the door... and it comes down!
They celebrate in delight, and then learn what happened to that giant robotic Skiploom earlier.
They were standing in it!
"Prepare for trouble from our secret base!"
"And make it double it's a pretty cool place!"
"To protect the world from devastation."
"To unite all peoples within our nation."
"To denounce the evils of truth and love."
"To extend our reach to the stars above."
"Jesse."
"James as well."
"Team Rocket flexes their muscles at the speed of light."
"Surrender now or..... prepare to fight, fight, fight!"
"Dat's right!"
"WOBBUFFET!"
Mechanical hands zoom out and grab at Pikachu, but it dodges and hits the Skiploom with Thunderbolt, then Mudkip and Lombre hit it with Water Gun.... but none of it does anything to the Skiploom Bot. Meowth laughs that you get what you pay for, and for a change, they paid extra!
The mechanical hands continue trying to grab at the various Pokemon, while Birch tells Oak that as an Action Professor from Action University, Des Moines, he doesn't care what physics say! As long as they can use the right combination of attacks, they can damage the Skiploom-Bot!
Torchic and Charmander use Ember, then Mudkip and Lombre use Water Gun, then Skitty uses Blizzard, and as Team Rocket cry out trying to figure out whether they're wet, hot or freezing, a crack forms in the Skiploom-Bot and Pikachu Thunderbolts it, sending Team Rocket blasting off again... and forming an R!
The assembled twerps, Pokemon and Professors cheer in delight and cry out, "Smooth sailing!" before Professor Oak gives a poem, much to Max's delight.
And then before you know it, they're on their way off on the ferry waving goodbye to Joshua, Oak and Birch. It seems they spent the night at Birch's lab before heading off, but we didn't get to see any of that... but hey, we'll always have this picture to remember the rare grouping with!
| BEST QUOTES |
   "We're poets and don't even know it!
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