337: Exploud And Clear
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340: Isshoku sokuhatsu! Bakuongu Vs. Juputoru
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Max realises he can't see Treecko, but then Pikachu points it out, sitting atop a worn and damaged tree looking mysterious and cool as it stares into the distance. The best of Ash's current Pokemon? Well it is clear that it is at least the coolest. In fact, that is....
Ash clambers up beside Treecko to ask it why it didn't eat anything, and then starts yelling at it because he's a jerk who thinks the world revolves around him. Speaking of jerks, Corphish suddenly pops up near May, Max and Brock, then grins happily and charges up the tree trunk, butting into Ash and sending him flying up then rapidly down as it moves into position near Treecko.
Corphish waves proudly at Treecko which ignores him, so it jumps at him angrily, only to discover gravity is a harsh mistress as he falls through the air and land on Ash's head, causing him to cry out in pain. He mutters that it was nice of Corphish to try and help, and the dazed Pokemon lifts a claw happily as Pikachu stares in horror at Ash's ass.
Ash grunts that Treecko will be fine, and then they hear a loud call and see a dust-cloud explode upwards as a Loudred smashes its way towards them screaming in incoherent rage. It flails its arms and smashes through the Pokemon, then through the twerp's backpacks, causing the twerps to grab their ears in agony as Treecko watches it charge by and then we see a totally unnecessary close-up of its asshole as it charges straight through a random trainer screaming at it to stop. He turns and chases after Loudred, tackling it down... and then Loudred seems to calm down and smile happily at him.
Next we see of it, it is lying on its back sleeping happily as the trainer introduces himself to Ash and the twerps do the same. His name is Guy, and he and Loudred are making their way through Hoenn to get to the Hoenn League. So far he only has 2 Badges to Ash's 5, and he's a little daunted by the prospect of getting six more, but Ash says that is part of the fun.
Yeah, Johto sure was a ton of fun you little bastard!
Guy explains that Loudred seems to have been going randomly berserk recently, and Ash turns and looks at Treecko and says Loudred isn't the only one... maybe Pokemon can have problems as well as people? Brock suggests that being with the same partner day after day and doing the same thing day after day after day can get pretty boring...
Gee, why hasn't some lucky lady just snapped him up!
...and Max agrees, telling May that sometimes after spending so much time with her he feels like a change of pace, much to her rage. He screams in fear at her not to hit him and she realises there is a stranger present and starts doing squat thrusts and saying she would never hurt him.
.........okay.
Ash asks Guy if he wants a battle, and when he agrees.... Treecko leaps down to join in. They move to a clearing and prepare to fight, Treecko running into a staunch Loudred that seems completely unhurt. It uses Stomp to... well... stomp.... on Treecko, putting it down on its stomach as we get another completely unnecessary shot of its asshole. As always, Treecko isn't interested in being anyone's bitch and blasts it in the face with Bullet Seed.
Loudred is sent staggering and then tries Supersonic, pummeling Treecko with sound waves before leaping high for an Earthquake. But Treecko dodges the seismic shift and smashes Loudred with Pound, smashing it back against a tree..... but Loudred ain't down and actually seems to be enjoying this.... and then suddenly it evolves!
AND SO DOES TREECKO!
As May checks out Loudred's new form of Exploud and Ash checks out Treecko's new form of Grovyle, the now tall and limber Grovyle leaps high and slices through the treetops with a Leaf blade, cutting loose a twig and gripping it with its teeth like a stogie.... because Treecko may have evolved, but it is still Clint Eastwood!
Brock notes this is an unusual thing to happen in a battle, but asks Ash and Guy if they want to keep on battling. Both are keen, and so are Grovyle and Exploud... so the battle is still on!
Grovyle uses Leaf blade and Guy calls to Exploud to dodge, but instead it simply stands and draws in air and then.... screams! Grovyle is sent staggering back as Guy says he thinks it was a Hyper voice... but he didn't call for it! Then Exploud starts running around and smashing the shit out of random crap, including trees and rocks and bushes and the ground. Grovyle tries to stop it with Bullet Seed but it does nothing, and when it tries to chase Exploud with Quick Attack, the big Pokemon puts it down hard!
Guy shouts out this has gone too far and takes off after Exploud, and Ash and the twerps give chase while Grovyle staggers up, grits its teeth and squints its eyes, and then zooms after Exploud to get some good old fashioned Eastwood-style revenge.
Meanwhile, elsewhere in the forest Team Rocket is dirty, depressed, lost and hungry. They've lost track of the twerps, Meowth is so hungry he's lost track of his tummy, and they're just feeling a general malaise.
They're hungry, they haven't been sleeping right (especially bad for Meowth, who as a cat requires 26 hours of sleep in a 24 hour day) and Jesse suddenly snaps. She runs through the forest screaming over the prospect of losing her girlish good looks, and then pulls up short just before she can run over the edge of a cliff to her death. James and Meowth join her at the cliffs edge and look down into the river below and the waterfall feeding down from the opposite cliff.... and beneath it, an Exploud seems to be drinking its full directly from the flow of the falls. Meowth says itās an Exploud, the evolved form of Loudred, and they suddenly panic as they remember their series of encounters not so long ago with a Loudred that kept showing off its asshole and blasting them off again and again.
James and Jesse turn and start walking away muttering that normally they'd try to capture it, but not this time. But Meowth rushes up in front of them growling that they have to imagine the Boss' joy if they get him an Exploud, and he spirals down into another patented Crazy Meowth Giovanni Fantasy.
"Imagine how much more da Boss would rather wake up to an Exploud insteada some dingy ol' alarm clock. Den, after our usual meeting with da Boss, Exploud would tell us its lunchtime. At day's end, Exploud's familiar scream signals its bedtime. Wif everyting in his life running like clockwork, you know what da Boss will say, right? "Finally a useful and practical gift from my tree most wise and trusted employees, Meowth and his friends," US!"
And somehow this bizarre, senseless and nonsensical stringing together of insane concepts (including Giovanni sleeping with a screaming Exploud next to his bed; Giovanni shouting at a confused James who brings him a lunchtime treat; Giovanni in a dressing robe sitting in a chair reading with the robe open just enough to reveal some Meowth-pleasing chest; and Giovanni lying in bed talking happily to nobody as Exploud stands waiting to scream at him come the morning) with a loose narrative base completely and totally bamboozles Jesse and James, who swallow it hook, line and sinker!
HEY TRAINERS WHICH OF THESE IS THE BEST CHOICE TO BATTLE NUMEL? HERACROSS, PICHU OR MEDICHAM? THE CORRECT ANSWER IS MEDICHAM BECAUSE THAT THING IS LIKE A FUCKING NINJA OR SOMETHING
The twerps and Guy cry out for Exploud but can't find it, and Guy worries that maybe Exploud is so angry at him that it has run off for good. But Ash says that can't be it, it is his first Pokemon and wouldn't abandon him. Grovyle tries to get Ash's attention and he tells it to wait, then apologises for snapping and tells it that it must be tired and offers to return it to its Pokeball. It refuses and leaps up into the treetops to look out for Exploud as they note that since it has evolved it has become a lot more stubborn.... but Max points out the corollary to that, it's a whole lot cooler too!
Guy wonders if Evolution affects a Pokemon's personality too and Brock says that this is exactly what happens. Guy explains that he has raised it since it was a cowardly Whismur, but after hard work he evolved it into Loudred and it lost all of its fear and confusion. But then recently things got out of control and weird....
So earlier Brock was talking about how it gets boring being with the same partner all the time, and now Guy is talking about how things got weird when his partner "changed" when he thought everything was cool.... are they training these Goddamn Pokemon or going out with them?
At the waterfall, Team Rocket line up a Carvanha-Missile Launcher carefully and fire a series of corks into Exploud's pipes. Next they fire a net and wrap up Exploud and Jesse laughs in delight... and then Exploud leaps up, blows the corks out of its pipes and rips the net in two.
"AAAHHHH!!! IT POPPED ITS CORK!" scream Team Rocket, as they're blasted off again!
Grovyle hears Exploud screaming in triumph and leaps from tree to tree to the edge of the cliff, then drops down into the river and smirks cockily at the screaming monster. It is ready to finish what they started earlier against the backdrop of a waterfall as thunderclouds clear overhead to expose light and they charge at each other.
This is so. fucking. cool!
Grovyle gets first advantage, dodging and knocking Exploud back, and then takes a direct shot of a Sonic blast and then leaps high and smashes Exploud with Bullet Seed, knocking it down. Ash and Guy arrive and Ash asks why they started fighting without them....
Because they're COOLER THAN YOU!
They move into place to resume their earlier fight, Ash ordering a Leaf blade. Guy tells Exploud to dodge and then use Stomp, but again it ignores him and stands to take the direct shot... RIGHT IN THE FUCKING FACE!
Ash orders another Leaf blade and Guy screams for it to dodge again, but again it does what it wants, this time blocking Grovyle's attack.
Guy begs it to listen to him while Ash orders a Pound and Grovyle slams its head-leaf into Exploud's face, knocking it back. Guy yells at it that if it wants to win it better do what he says... and it ignores him again, staggering back into the battle as Team Rocket watch from the sidelines and Jesse gasps that with a tough attitude like that, she's tempted to get it for herself. They have a new plan, similar to their old plan but discussed in childish drawing format. They'll fire corks into Exploud the same as before, but this time when it blasts them out, the corks will pop straight back in, and chase Exploud wherever it may go!
Guy spots Team Rocket firing the corks and leaps into the way, taking a cork roughly on his ass as the corks turn and then come back... only to be hit by Thunderbolt and exploded.
"That same old thing, how about something new!?!?!" shouts Jesse in a fury.
"What!>! What are you talking about?" demands Ash.
"Prepare for trouble, funny you should ask!"
"And make it doubl-"
"COME ON! Talk about old!" snaps Ash, cutting them off much to their horror.
Pikachu hits them with Thunder and then Exploud screams and sends them blasting off again as Jesse begs to know if the twerp just called them old, and James mollifies her by saying he thinks he meant the motto, as they're blasted off again... again!
Exploud turns to stare furiously at Guy on his knees behind him, and then it offers a hand to him and smiles happily. He stands up and it nods and hugs him when he asks if it will still let him be his trainer, and he says he knew he picked the best Pokemon in the world. But Ash is standing beside a Pokemon that might just have a claim on the contendership for that title, along with an ass-kicking Charizard and a tough-as-nails Sheriff Bulbasaur.
Once more Grovyle and Exploud clash together in an attempt to truly establish dominance as the camera pulls away on the kicking rad waterfall setting, with the result of the battle never to be revealed.
But we all know the truth, Gentle Dodgers, Grovyle put that bitch Exploud down hard, because whether it is Treecko, Grovyle or eventually Sceptile, one thing is clear.
It's Clint Fucking Eastwood!
| BEST QUOTES |
 "How did I let the twerps come between me and my beauty? I refuse to let these girlish good looks be reduced to rubblelish remains!""That same old thing, how about something new!?!?!" "What, what are you talking about?""Prepare for trouble, funny you should ask!" "And make it doubl-""COME ON! Talk about old!"
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