334: Take The Lombre Home
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337: Sorurokku to Hasuburero! Seinaru mori no densetsu!
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Wow, guess he finally snapped and decided to put an end to them all?
As the twerps chase after him, it's clear that they won't be getting to Petalburg City this episode. It seems that May and Max are going to....
Team Rocket are in the forest doing some honest physical labour, stacking cardboard boxes of water. They spot the twerps approaching and prepare to launch their trap. Brock is explaining to the others that there is a Fresh Water Spring near here, one of the world's top 100, and that is why he let their water run out. May still thinks the forest is creepy but Ash laughs there is nothing to worry about, and then shits his pants as a Zubat breaks out of the foliage and May and Max hug each other in terror.
According to Rocketshipper logic, May and Max are now banging each other.
As Brock calms them down, May grunts at Ash over his earlier bravado, and then they spot an abomination against all God's work floating through the forest. Brock says it is a Solrock and they run to grab it... and fall down a hole!
Team Rocket appear and grab Pikachu in a net, and then Solrock blasts them with a spiraling jet of flame!
As Solrock floats up muttering,"bllrrrblllrrr," Team Rocket yell at it and Ash tries to get a reading from Dextina on Jesse's ass, but only gets the 411 on Solrock instead. James calls out Cacnea, gets hugged, and then orders a Pin Missile on Solrock that has little effect, so they leap into the fray themselves only to get Blasted off again by Solar beam!
The smoke clears and Solrock is gone as well as Team Rocket, and Ash says he wanted to thank the abomination for saving Pikachu. Brock says they're all still thirsty so they should find the springs, but when they get there the water is all gone! May looks to the side and spots a village and Brock figures they'll have some water, but then they get there they find the village deserted and the riverbed dry. Ash asks Pikachu if it can smell water and it can't.... and then May and Max point out that it CAN'T do that anyways.... but a Water Pokemon can. Ash calls out Corphish, and then Brock calls out Mudkip and Lotad while Skitty leaps out of its Pokeball. Corphish leaps down to the riverbed and starts digging ferociously as Skitty runs off chased by Mudkip and Lotad, then the rest of the twerps except for Ash who watches Corphish with anticipation as it.... digs out a vase, slaps it on its ass and then turns and grins happily up at Ash.
Oh Corphish, we'd think you were being a jerk but you just look so PROUD!
Meanwhile, Skitty has led the others to.... a flower! Not quite water, but Mudkip does find a well and they look inside, but it too is dried up. Then Lotad leaps onto a bucket with a cry of its own name.... then sits on the bucket quietly as they wait and wait and wait.... and then it tumbles over the side! They giggle at their silly retarded Mexican stereotype and Brock drags it up in the bucket and it... evolves!
Oh my, apparently falling into the well gave it enough of an "experience boost" for it to evolve! So I guess this will be the end of the off-colour, crude and para-racist jokes about it being a retarded Mexican. Surely its new evolution will....
Oh... never mind.
Ash checks out Lombre with Dextina as it stares blankly into the distance, learning that it is sometimes mistaken for a human child.
Yeah, a fucking ugly, retarded Mexican child.
Suddenly a hideous old woman in a Lombre-like hat comes running up and drops to her knees before Lombre, telling the twerps it is the great Lombre, the "legendary" Pokemon that has always appeared every time the village was in peril to save the day. The old woman calls out her family, blaming an "evil" Solrock for screwing up their village, and Brock falls in love instantly with the granddaughter of the vile old wretch, who tells them her name is Mary. As the rest of the villagers gather around Lombre, the twerps ask Mary what is going on and she says she will fill them in, but first May asks if there is any water nearby.
They're taken inside and given cool refreshing water to drink, all the twerps enjoying the fresh taste of the spring water, but Mary says this is the problem, they're in the middle of a severe water shortage. Their sacred spring where they believe the great Lombre Water Lord lives has always fed the river that runs through their village, but recently a meteorite was seen crashing nearby and since then the water has dried up... and Solrock has been seen multiple times in the area.
Many of the villagers blame the Solrock for the drought, but Mary doesn't agree, it doesn't make sense, how could Solrock do this? There must be a rational scientific explanation! They hear a commotion outside and step out to see the old lady and the rest of the village doing a rain dance in an effort to bring water back to the village. Ash tells them that the Solrock helped them so he can't believe it would do anything bad, and Mary insists that they do some scientific research, look at the earth underneath the spring and try to figure out what is wrong. Her Grandmother insists that this will anger the Lombre Water Lord though, and the age old clash of science and faith goes on as deep within the earth the great Richard Dawkins Monster feeds on the power and gathers his strength to bring about the end days.
The villagers go back to their rain dance around Lombre standing above the empty spring, and Ash says it is cool to see them dance but May thinks that it isn't going to help with the rain. Brock tries to get a chance for a grope by asking Mary to "rain dance" with him, while Lombre observes the proceedings around him and then reacts in the fashion you would expect a holy spirit that guards and protects a little village to act in.
Oh... never mind.
Grandma shouts out that Lombre is blessing them by "shaking that groove thing" (oh Jesus) and then Pikachu jumps in to join the dance while wild Pokemon like Bellossom, Oddish, Seedot and Todd's disembodied scalp leap in to join the fun.
But the rain still doesn't come.
The villagers settle down with the Pokemon to enjoy some rest after their exertions and Mary yells that it doesn't DO ANYTHING! But the twerps suggest that it might bring Solrock out and then they can prove it isn't evil, but Brock points out that Solrock's can read minds so it will sense the villagers hostility.
A bizarre beaked rock monster from outer space that reads minds... can't imagine why the villagers are frightened by it.
Mary's Grandma says they're not angry, they just don't like Solrock is all, and Max demands to know what she means. But Brock plays peacekeeper, saying he has an idea.
Next we see the spring cleared out of villagers, the twerps hiding behind a bush as Lombre continues dancing happily. Lombre's non-hostile (and empty) mind means that Solrock won't be frightened off by it. Solrock shows up and Lombre stops dancing to stare at the bizarre Pokemon, and they start chatting, which must be a fascinating conversation considering one is a Space Monster and the other is a retarded Mexican. As they talk, though, Skitty leaps out of its Pokeball and rushes off chased by May and Mary.... and straight into a cave. Mary says she knows it like the back of her hand, turns on her flashlight and leads May in.
HEY TRAINERS, WHICH OF THESE IS THE BEST CHOICE TO FIGHT ROSELIA? ELECTABUZZ, GROVYLE, OR CAMERUPT? CAMERUPT WILL DO THE TRICK, WHICH IS PRETTY MUCH A GIVEN WHEN YOU HAVE A GODDAMN VOLCANO IN YOUR BACK!
Inside the dark cave, Mary and May find Skitty and she tells it that it shouldn't run away, and then they spot a pump hidden in the cave... someone has been pumping out the water!
Gee.... wonder who it could possibly be?
Team Rocket bottle away, laughing over the low overheads of this operation (zero). Wobbuffet pops up looking through a pair of binoculars and Jesse takes a look as well, spotting Lombre and Solrock. Meowth instantly declares they should get them for The Boss, and explains why in another patented Crazy Meowth Giovanni Fantasy.
"Foist fing every morning da Boss will splash his sleepy face wif a load of fresh water from Lombre," explains Meowth,"And Solrock will be dere to dry off dat watery face with a blast of a morning Ember. Wif a great start to a great day under his belt, he'll say,"Because of dese wonderful Pokemon I must reward Meowth and his friends!""
As Team Rocket cheer at this unlikely scenario, May and Mary show up shouting, having followed the pump back to them. Meanwhile Lombre is back to dancing while Solrock swoops around it flashing bright with white light, and the twerps ask Grandma if she still thinks it is bad.... and she declares it is casting a curse!
Oh Jesus Christ.
She insists to the villagers that if they allow Solrock to cast this curse they'll end up with more sunlight, and they look pissed to hear it. But Ash, Brock and Max leap up, Ash shouting that Lombre and Solrock are buddies, they won't stand for this. The villagers charge Solrock which turns and hauls them up into the air with Psychic. Ash yells out to put them down, they can't hurt it, and when Lombre adds its own call, Solrock drops them roughly to the ground as May and Mary appear saying it is Team Rocket's fault. The ground starts to shake and Grandma insists they're being punished... but apparently these days punishment from the Gods comes in the form of a giant water-pump robot!
"Prepare for trouble we drained you dry!"
"And make it double, I'm a thirsty guy!"
"To protect the world from devastation."
"To unite all peoples within our nation."
"To denounce the evils of truth and love."
"To extend our reach to the stars above."
"It's Jesse."
"Don't forget James."
"Team Rocket quenches our thirst for success at the speed of light."
"Surrender now, raise your glass or fight, fight, fight!"
"Meowth! Dat's right!"
"WOBBBUH!"
Meowth hits a button and the Pump-Bot fires a net that catches Lombre and Solrock, but Lombre Razor Leafs them out and Pikachu tries a Thunderbolt... but the Pump-Bot blasts it with a shot of water. The Pump Bot blasts a burst of water at the villagers but Solrock leaps into the way to protect them despite its own weakness to water, and then starts spinning and generating enormous heat. Meowth turns up the power and Solrock.... uses its bizarre space powers to power through the blast. Pikachu hits it with Thunderbolt and sends Team Rocket blasting off again, Meowth all but saying it is time to kiss their asses goodbye!
Kid's show, my ass!
But Solrock continues to spin and glow red, it appears to have gone out of control in its effort to stop the Pump Bot. Huge amounts of heat are generated and foliage starts to burn before it spins off towards the village and Grandma begs for help. Brock calls on Lombre to use Water gun, then calls out Mudkip to help out too, and they start generating a huge amount of steam that in turn forms rain clouds that darken the sky and start it raining.... it's a miracle!
The miracle of science!
The spring fills back up again and the villagers start dancing around it, joined by Lombre and Solrock
Grandma drops to her knees and thanks their "dear Water lord" and then after the rain clears, the villagers set to collecting water from the newly replenished well. Brock rushes up to Mary to tell her that he thinks maybe him and Lombre should stick around and help protect the village, but Mary has all ready turned around to watch her Grandmother, who says a final thanks to the "great Water Lord" and then reveals that from now on, they'll be worshipping a different God.
Solrock!
Mary sighs that at least they've changed their minds about Solrock, then turns and asks Brock if he was saying something important. He says no and then they all head off, once more on their way back to Petalburg, while the camera shows us Solrock sitting happily in the forest, enjoying the prospect of these Earthlings worshipping its mighty Space Powers.
The invasion has begun!
| BEST QUOTES |
 "I get it, that Lombre isn't thinking any bad thoughts, right?" "That's safe to assume." "Doubt Lombre's thinking any thoughts at all!" "I'm trying to think but nothing's happening!" "So much for our great bottled water plan!""And all our liquid assets!" "Yeah, well speaking of dat, it looks like its time for us to kiss ours goodbye!"
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