331: Delcatty Got Your Tongue
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334: Eneko to Enekororo! Densetsu no Kodineta tojo!
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James swings a long poled net at Pikachu and hauls it up... and the twerps with it! Jesse quickly calls out Seviper and James calls on Cacnea, which leaps directly onto his face to hug him lovingly as he moans,"Yes, I love you too... OW!"
Seviper tries a bite attack on Torkoal which uses Iron Defence to block it, then blasts Seviper with Flamethrower. Cacnea blasts Torkoal with Pin Missile and May sends Skitty in with Double Slap, but it is knocked clear by Seviper and lands on Torkoal's back, getting caught up in a blast of smoke from the Turtle Pokemon's back. Skitty crashes to the ground as May runs to help it, and Brock uses Mudkip to Water Gun Team Rocket, sending them blasting off all ready, as they cry out,"HOSED AGAIN!"
They check on Skitty which coughs roughly as it tries to meow, and they figure the smoke made it lose its voice. Torkoal is horrified but May tells it that it isn't its fault, and Ash asks Max where the nearest town is. He checks his PokeNav and finds it is Foothill Town, so that is where they are going.
Aww, poor Skitty, looks like....
They reach Foothill Town, which is bigger than they thought. Ash asks a passerby where the Pokemon Centre is and she tells them they don't have one, so Brock says they'll have to move on to Verdant Turf Town after all. But the lady tells them that they DO have a Pokemon Clinic, and the Doctor inside is a good one. They head that way, and when Brock overhears the female Doctor's voice from outside, he declares immediately that she must be beautiful. They head inside and... a gigantic fat woman who makes the earth shake as she walks emerges from behind a screen, and the twerps are absolutely fucking horrified... until she turns out to be a patient and the actual Doctor is revealed to be a pretty young thing, svelte and tall.
Phew, we'd hate to think a fat person could be a successful person with thoughts and feelings!
Ash tries to explain why they're there but then Brock zooms up to declare his endless (until he sees the next girl) love. Max drags him away and May brings Skitty up and explains it has lost its voice, so she takes it into her clinic and May explains what happened. The camera pans over pictures of various Pokemon, including a confused looking Psyduck. Apparently the clinic is actually a chiropractors, which is like real medicine but not. They work on pressure points to relieve pressure and stress, and when Brock reveals he has some knowledge of this, the Doctor seems impressed.
"Well I do plan on becoming the world's best Pokemon Breeder!" proclaims Brock proudly.
"Good for you," mutters the Doctor, not really paying attention.
Snicker.
She asks Skitty to try again but it can't pull off a meow, but she tells it to take its time and this time a little squeak comes out and the Doctor tells her that within a couple of days it should be back to 100%.
Uhh... like it would have been regardless of you doing anything?
But Brock could care less; he slams past May and backs his ass up to the Doctor, begging her to use her nimble fingers on him.
O....kay.
Max drags him away again and Doctor Abbey lifts up the Skitty as Ash notices a photo of her and cries out that she has a Skitty too.
Well yeah, boys have penises and girls have vaginas... but you wouldn't expect a Doctor to keep a photo of something like that on her desk for anyone to see.
They also notice she has a Cup with a Ribbon on it, called imaginatively "The Ribbon Cup", which is only awarded to Pokemon Coordinators who win The Grand Festival. May instantly realises why Dr Abbey seems so familiar to her.... she's showcased in the latest (first) issue of Pokemon Coordinator Magazine!
Apparently Dr Abbey was an unknown who rose from nowhere to beat the favourite to take The Ribbon Cup. She shows off her Coordinator Ribbons, won in various contests.... as well as The Ribbon Cup, the one she won at the Pokemon Grand Festival. Dr Abbey explains how she and Skitty won the contest thanks to a trick with some balls and a thigh-high split dress.
She got a perfect score for showing that thigh, and then got a perfect score in the Battle Round, and May thinks it must have been the greatest day of her life.... but Dr Abbey doesn't seem overly enthusiastic about it, and May notes that she never took part in another contest again. She explains that she traveled for a little while after winning the Grand Festival with her Skitty (Johnny) and got a little too overconfident, and ended up taking on a shadowy trainer (possibly Akuma from Street Fighter?) and his terrifying looking Pokemon, which kicked the ever-loving shit out of Skitty and send it tumbling off a cliff. Abbey ran through the stormy night and found a Pokemon Clinic run by a fat man called Dr Moss... and since apparently fat people aren't allowed be major characters on Pokemon, she decided to take up the cause of ripping people off with bullshit faux-medicine!
She trained with Dr Moss until she got good enough for his liking, then he gave her a Moonstone to evolve Skitty into a Delcatty, which was symbolic of her evolving as well or something. May asks to see the Delcatty, and Abbey takes them outside and calls for Johnny, who rushes up. May checks it out with Dextina and learns that unlike the wildly energetic Skitty, Delcatty's tend to live life at a slower pace, avoid fighting and try to sleep as much as possible.
Abbey's personal evolution my ass, Dr Moss just got tired of Skitty batting at his silly moustache!
Team Rocket watch from the trees, Jesse wondering why the twerps are at a Pokemon Clinic. James notes there is a Skitty and Delcatty there, and Meowth come sup with "anuvva brilliant plan!" which is just code for another patented Crazy Meowth Giovanni Fantasy. If they catch them both and give them to the Boss, he'll have a "complete set", because Delcatty is the only evolutionary form of Skitty! He'll be so grateful he'll "naturally tink" of Team Rocket and call them a good example to the rest of the Organisation!
But then James suddenly thinks, if full sets are great then wouldn't a complete set of all the Eevee Evolutions be better? Meowth, as usual, does not like his lunacy bubble being popped, and makes this clear, screaming, "DO YA SEE ANY EVEE'S AROUND? WORK WITH ME HERE!"
"Who cares?" asks Jesse's boobs as the camera centers lovingly on them,"All I know is Delcatty and that Skitty are coming with us!"
HEY TRAINERS, WHICH OF THESE POKEMON EVOLVES INTO WOBBUFFET? IS IT WYNAUT, HORSEA OR WAILMER? DO YOU WANT ME TO TELL YOU? WELL WHY NOT? IT'S WYNAUT!
Inside, Skitty is chasing its tail around and May is wondering why it isn't getting dizzy, and then Abbey shows it her balls.
What the hell kind of Doctor is she?
Abbey explains that this is how she used to calm down Johnny when it was a Skitty. She tells Skitty to use Double Slap on the balls and it bounds onto its hind legs and pinwheels its little paws around, but Abbey tells it to use its tail instead. It does so, juggling the balls and then slapping them back to Abbey as Max says he can see why she won The Grand Festival. Abbey hands her balls to May and asks if she wants to give it a try, and she does but Skitty simply slaps them back... and then things get weird.
REALLY weird!
"Our precious Meowth was hurt in a bizarre yodelling accident when za poor dear fellow fell off its clogs," says Jesse in a bizarre Dutch/German hybrid accent as she and James enter the Pokemon Clinic with Meowth wrapped up in bandages.
"Vont you please hav a looook?" asks James, sporting a gut underneath his bulky clothes.
Abbey invites them in and Jesse grins to herself that Skitty and Delcatty are as good as hers. Abbey starts working on Meowth, Jesse insisting that it would thank her if it could but AS IT IS A POKEMON IT CAN'T and James adds he would hate it to GET HURT IF IT TRIES. Abbey unwraps the bandages around Meowth's face and Pikachu peers closer, sure there is something familiar about this Meowth and the blue haired man and red haired woman accompanying it. Meowth panics when he spots Pikachu peering, and Abbey asks it what is wrong as Jesse and James desperately try to cover up.
As she works on Meowth, Jesse and James kneel down to pet Skitty and Delcatty as Abbey says that she can't find anything physically wrong with Meowth, but it does seem to be rather stressed out as... if there is an enormous amount of pressure on it. Meowth thinks to himself that anyone that had to work with Jesse on a day to day basis would know just how he feels.
As Abbey talks to cover up the fact that her medical treatment has no basis in medical fact, James and Jesse slap a couple of collars onto Skitty and Delcatty. Abbey works on Meowth's pressure and he moans that it feels good, and tells her to move a little lower and to the right. She grins and moves to comply and then.... Meowth just talked!?!?!
"You're blowing our cover, Meowth!" cries James.
"No, YOU are!" hisses Jesse angrily.
Dr Abbey is confused, and demands to know who they are.
"Prepare for trouble and keep an eye on your Skitty!"
"Make it double, cause it won't be pretty!"
.....
.........
AHAHAHAHAHAHAH!
"To protect the world from devastation."
"To unite all peoples within our nation."
"To denounce the evils of truth and love."
"To extend our reach to the stars above."
"Jesse."
"James."
"Team Rocket blasts off at the speed of light."
"Surrender now or prepare to fight, fight, fight!"
"Maybe when dis battle's over we can pick up where we left off wif dat massage, Doctor?" Meowth asks, still on a high from his massage, and gets a palm in the face from Jesse for his troubles.
In the confusion of Seviper's Haze that follows, May cries out about her Skitty and Brock screams for Dr Abbey, and when the smoke clears they see Team Rocket retreating in their Happy Buddha Face Meowth Balloon, Skitty and Delcatty with them.
Johnny tries to bash its way free of the basket, its collar attached to a point on the basket. Then it releases a Solar Beam from its tail and sends the Balloon plummeting towards the ground.
Skitty bounces through the air but is caught by Delcatty which jumps down safely, while Team Rocket crash into the rocks and dirt. Abbey and May release their collars as Meowth roars that they're taking their seat, and Jesse and James send in Seviper and Cacnea. Ash gets ready to fight but Abbey leaps in the way and has Delcatty run rings around Seviper, avoiding every attack and then releasing a powerful blast of Thunderbolt, then Solar beaming the fuck out of Cacnea and smashing it into a rock. Brock and Max talk up Delcatty's usefulness as it can use such a variety of moves, and May is enthralled with it. Seviper and Cacnea both try to attack at once and May is horrified that Team Rocket of all people would cheat. She sends in May to tackle Seviper but it gets slammed back by Cacnea, and Abbey tells her to try Blizzard... but Skitty doesn't know Blizzard! Abbey says that it can learn quickly and has Delcatty use it, proving it can use Solar Beam, Thunderbolt AND Blizzard! Abbey insists that May try, so she does, telling Skitty to use Blizzard.
"Meow?" asks Skitty, and May drops her head in horror. Dr Abbey tells Skitty to watch Delcatty and it lets rip with a blast of Blizzard again, and Skitty is able to let loose a little cough of cold air as well. Jesse sends in Seviper again and Abbey has Delcatty use Thunderbolt to blast Seviper again, and May orders a Blizzard and this time.... Skitty gets it good, blasting Seviper back. Jesse sends in Seviper with Poison Tail and James orders a Needle arm, but Delcatty and Skitty use Double Blizzard to freeze Seviper and Cacnea and send them smashing into Team Rocket, and then Pikachu smashes them with Thunderbolt and sends them blasting off.
Meowth weeps that now they won't have that rare Skitty/Delcatty set to give to the Boss, and then James flies by giggling that since Giovanni all ready has a Persian, they can send him Meowth! Meowth snaps angrily at them to never mention Persian, and Jesse giggles that it looks like his massage has worn off, Wobbuffet agreeing happily as they're sent flying off into a sparkle in the distance.
The twerps congratulate Abbey once more on her Delcatty and say it is no wonder she is a legend, and May says she plans to use Skitty in her next Pokemon Contest.
As the sun sets, they say goodbye to Dr Abbey and thank her for the great work she did. They came to get Skitty's cough healed and it ended up learning Blizzard, and then they all tell her that her healing techniques have inspired them all.
To what? Open up a clinic that promises to cure Pokemon by massaging them and then telling their trainers that they'll be healed within the normal healing time... then charge them exorbitant fees?
God Bless the Capitalist System.
They head off, and May is apparently so excited at the prospect of her next Contest that she actually pitches Skitty into the air... which really isn't the best idea when you're relying on it's Deus Ex Machina-possessing ass to win the day for you.
| BEST QUOTES |
 "Our precious Meowth was hurt in a bizarre yodeling accident when za poor dear fellow fell off its clogs
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