325: Fight For The Meteorite
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328: Maguma-Dan Vs. Akua-Dan - Futatabi! Entotsu Yama no Tatakai!
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They make it and the cable car starts moving u0p the side of Mount Chimney, as Team Rocket smirk knowingly at each other.
On the Mountain itself, a nerdy man with a huge nose and Gary's hairstyle (a Jewish Gary?) walks about checking a tracking device, searching for a particular type of rock and cracking jokes to amuse himself.
In the Cable Car, Team Rocket prepare "phase 2" and Jesse tells them to follow her lead, then announces to the twerps that they're the tour guide crew. Brock checks out Jesse's ass, then asks Little Old Lady Meowth if he has been a guide for long, and before Meowth can start a long, rambling and completely made up life-history, Jesse asks them to look out the window so they can see.... a big fucking flying red helicopter?
Elsewhere the Jewish Gary has located a piece of meteor and picks it up as the red helicopter lands and out comes...
Oh Jesus, not these assholes again.
It's Team Magma, the boring pricks who keep trying to entice viewers with a MYSTERIOUS GOAL INVOLVING ANCIENT MYSTERIES AND A MYSTERIOUS POKEMON that absolutely nobody gives a shit about.
Back on the Cable Car, Jesse directs the twerps to look out the window again and see.... a gray helicopter?
The twerps note it is head the same way as the red helicopter, and figure something is going on.
Meanwhile the man with the meteorite is being addressed as a Professor by Team Magma, who he is refusing to hand over the rock to. The "ooooh isn't he so mysterious doesn't that make him interesting and you to want to know more about him" Team Magma Field Commander tells him he has no idea of its true properties, and the Professor asks what he is talking about.
We. don't. care.
They notice the blue helicopter and... oh Jesus, it's fucking Team Aqua, that other group of people no one gives a shit about. They take over the Cable Car Engine-Room at the top of Mount Chimney and stop the cable car partway up the mountain.
"Do you have a cellphone?" asks Brock.
"What do I look like, a Cable Car Engineer? I'm a tour guide," snaps Jesse.
Brock notices an emergency phone next to them and grabs it, putting through a call that no one picks up. May panics that no one knows they're there and that causes Team Rocket to panic, and Jesse grabs the phone and screaming into it, banging at it until it smashes apart and she cries that she doesn't know how to get off of this thing!
That perks up the twerp's suspicions, shouldn't they be training for this type of thing? Exactly who are they?
"Glad you asked!' snaps Jesse, happy to end the charade,"Prepare for trouble on a scenic tour!"
"And make it double that's for sure!" adds James.
"STOOPPPP!" screams Meowth,"Do we gotta do da routine every time... I'm an old woman, I'm too tired!"
"Wait a minute," grunts Ash, as the presence of a red haired woman and blue haired boy with a talking Meowth asking him to prepare for trouble and make it double causes him to be slightly suspicious.
"Now on with the show!" cries Jesse as she and James pull off their disguises,"To protect the world from devastation."
"To unite all peoples within our nation."
"Team Aqua!" grunts the Magma Field Commander, interrupting our fucking motto so we can get more of this retarded and ridiculous and pointless "ooh we're mysterious villains with a secret agenda" bullshit that nobody cares about.... although it does show that Team Aqua has a giant on their team.
Seriously, look in the background!
The two Commanders share their insipid dialogue back and forth and send in their team's respective Pokemon to fight... and the Professor with the meteorite cheeses it. The two teams split into... two more teams... to chase him as the others remain to fight.
Meanwhile back at the Cable Car, it seems Team Rocket's motto is still ongoing and what we just saw was what was going on before the motto started, so... hooray!
"To extend our reach to the stars above."
"Jesse."
"James."
"Team Rocket blasts off at the speed of light,"
"Surrender now or prepare to fight, fight, fight!"
"Meowth! Dat's right!"
"Mmmmm," they all grunt as they realise the twerps have completely ignored them to try and figure out a way to get out. The twerps angrily snap at them that they're all stuck up there together, and besides a fight would just crash the cable-car, so they might as well work together. Ash finds a rope and grappling hook and they crawl on top of the cable-car where he displays a surprisingly superhuman level of strength to toss it out against a nearby tower that he then plans to crawl across to and climb down to the mountainside. As he starts crawling though, Jesse roars that he can't leave her behind and lunges through the air and onto the rope, where she dangles in terror kicking her legs wide for all to see and giving a wonderful treat to anyone lucky enough to be standing beneath her.
James and Meowth leap after her, and they're soon in the same predicament as the rope snaps under their weight.
Ash bounces against the tower and lands safely, but the twerps are stuck on the cable car while Team Rocket dangle beneath it.
Meanwhile, away from what is interesting, Team Magma and Aqua fight it out against each other with Magma getting the upper hand. Aqua retreat to "regroup" while Magma grab a weird floating death-laser of some sort as part of their "mysterious plot it's mysterious wow you must be on the edge of your seat huh" plan.
Ash runs up the side of the mountain for help only to run into the Professor with the meteorite running the other way... for help. He tells Ash he is being chased and they hide behind a rock, and Ash surprises everyone by recognising and remembering Team Magma.
HEY TRAINERS WHICH OF THESE POKEMON EVOLVES INTO MEDICHAM? MAGNEMITE, MACHOP OR MEDITITE? IF YOU GOT THIS ANSWER WRONG.... THE DARWIN MONSTER IS COMING TO GET YA!
Back in the cable car, May asks if anyone else is hungry and Max roars you can't think of food at a time like this, and then his stomach starts rumbling. Luckily Brock DID prepare some sandwiches earlier, but before they can eat they notice Team Rocket staring in lust at the food. Meowth smirks that they don't need no charity, then notices Jesse and James on their knees (HEY HEY!) thanking the twerps for food, and Meowth remembers he doesn't have any dignity either and rushes over.
Meanwhile, Ash is speaking with the Professor, who introduces himself as Cosmos, who is telling Ash about the meteorite and says he doesn't know why Team Aqua and Magma want the meteorite but he won't let them have it. Ash wants to touch it because he's never touched anything from space before (except for... you know... all that stuff from space he has touched... before).
Professor Cosmos explains what meteorites are and why they fascinate him so much, and Ash hands it back to him... but then in swoops Crobat and grabs the meteorite, taking it back to Team Magma! Cosmos and Ash chase after them.
The Magma Field Commander learns that B Squad has the meteorite, and orders them to test out their laser as part of their hopes to complete their OOOOGH MYSTERIOUS PLOT OF MYSTERY DON'T YOU THINK IT IS EXCITING DON'T YOU WANT TO KNOW MORE!?!?!
No.
Meanwhile, the twerps and Team Rocket are now in a swaying cable car as the wind picks up, and Max hugs May in horror while Team Rocket embrace in fear and Brock screams for Ash to make it quick.
Wow, guess he wants to get rid of that pesky virginity no matter what!
Team Magma plug the meteorite into their laser device and start it up, firing the laser into lava inside Mt Chimney as Ash and Professor Cosmos watch from a distance. Cosmos wonders if they're trying to deliberately cause the volcano to erupt, and Ash figures even if they aren't, they need to steal the meteorite to turn off the laser. Cosmos tells him to sneak up on the laser while he provides a distraction by... .throwing a rock at Team Magma! As they chase him, Ash approaches the laser and struggles to tear open the device with his bare hands, then has Pikachu Thunderbolt it to blow it open, then starts... bashing it with a rock!
Team Magma Grunts leap in but get Thunderbolted, and the laser power goes out of control as a stronger wind kicks up and cause the cable car to sway dangerously. The Team Magma Field Commander charges Ash but Professor Cosmos tackles him over, then shoves the laser device over into the lava, saying it is better than it be destroyed than be used for evil.
Wow, he's a Jewish Indiana Jones.... he fights Nazis and never calls his mother!
Team Magma leave, apparently not feeling homicidal over their plans being ruined and leaving the Professor and young boy who foiled their plans behind alive and well. Team Aqua watch from a distance and then head off as well, both helicopters leaving as the Field Commander on each declare it is a partial victory for them as they managed to foil each other's plans.
Jesus these guys suck.
A short time later, the twerps and Team Rocket have been taken to the top of Mount Chimney, and Team Rocket decide to make their move now... and Wobbuffet pops out to happily salute in agreement, causing the ground beneath them to break away and send them skidding down the side of the mountain. The twerps figure they just decided to head off by themselves and take a "safer" way down.
As the sun sets, Professor Cosmos offers directions to Lava Ridge Town and a wish of good luck, and waves goodbye as they head off, the narrator noting his only thoughts are on his next Pokemon Battle.
Not, you'll note, the mysterious mysteries of Team Magma and Team Aqua.... because NOBODY CARES ABOUT THEIR HORSESHIT!
| BEST QUOTES |
 "Do you have a cellphone?" "What do I look like, a Cable Car Engineer? I'm a tour guide!" "Do we gotta do da routine every time... I'm an old woman, I'm too tired!"
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