321: Pros and Con Artists
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324: Pokemon Kontesuto - Hajitsuge daikai!
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They reach the Contest Hall and Brock groans in delight and crosses his thighs to hide his shame as he sees all the pretty girls. May notes a girl sitting on a seat behind a Medicham, a guru-like Pokemon that sits hovering in the air surrounded by a blue nimbus of light. Suddenly Max's glasses come off and are lifted into the air, and then many bags and backpacks lift up too, then Ash's cap... then Pikachu! Medicham's trainer tells it to release the items and everything falls, and she apologises to everyone, saying that Medicham still needs more training as it hasn't gotten control over spontaneously released bursts of psychic energy yet. Brock rushes up to tell her that she shouldn't worry and hey so what if a few people got lifted into the air and will she have lunch with him?
The result is... predictable.
May apologises for Brock, saying he does that whenever he sees a beautiful girl, and the trainer's reaction is..... not so predictable!
May crashes into Ash as the Trainer laughs uproariously at the idea that she is beautiful, then realises what she has done and apologises, introducing herself as Grace. They settle in for lunch together, all the twerps but Brock horrified as she chows down on huge amounts of food, which Brock thinks is great, fantasising about "eating happily ever after" with her.
Ash asks if she has won any contests and she shows three contest ribbons, and Max tells May she isn't the only one confident.
"Whoever said I was sure about winning anything?" gasps May.
"You did.... five minutes ago," replies Max, confused.
"WHY DO YOU ALWAYS HAVE TO EMBARASS ME!?!" she screams, slapping Max down then revealing to Grace that this is only her second contest. But Grace says it isn't so much experience but who you will be competing against, and May gasps that there is still so much she has to learn and Grace laughs nervously when she realises that she has gotten her down, then offers to make up for it by showing off Medicham. They head outside and she calls it out, using Ice Punch and then combining it with Psychic to create a glittering aura against the backdrop of the moon, and May is enthralled.
The next day she tries some combinations of her own with Beautifly, trying to combine Silver Wing with Tackle... wait she means Gust... no String shot.... oh dear.
"Nice work, botched up combination huh?" asks a familiar voice, and she turns to see Drew sniffing a rose. He tosses it to her and tells her not to get her hopes up, telling her he only walked over here to see Beautifly. He asks if she has won any ribbons, smirks when he finds out she hasn't, and then walks away as she shouts at him to show how many badges he has won... and he shows her three!
Oh.... burn.
Meanwhile, elsewhere in the town a random man in a green shirt gets called to from a dark alley, and turns to see two suspicious looking characters lurking and offering to sell him some stuff to guarantee contest victory!
Steroids?
"What we've got will make you into a Pokemon hero! Dating Supermodels and drinking drinks with little umbrellas in them!" giggles Jesse, sliding out of the alleyway. James adds that he'll soon be winning so many ribbons that he'll have to buy a new house to move them into, and the sales pitch has got him hooked, he wants to know more. They take him into the alley (always a wise move, try it kids, don't ask your parents!) to "Dr Crock's Pokeblock Shop" where "honesty is our middle name." The man in green is introduced to Dr Crock.
Dr Crock explains the 5 C's that every Pokemon Coordinator knows about - Cuteness, Cleverness, Confidence, Classiness and Courage - but there are two more that only Judges know about, two more C's that will mean the difference between victory and defeat..... COOLNESS AND CHARISMAGNETISM!
"Uh?" gasps the Green Man, "Are those even real words?"
A blue haired man with a Cacnea and a red haired woman with a Wobbuffet show up (they're certainly not the blue haired man and red haired woman who called him into the alleyway earlier boy howdy!) and declare that Dr Crock did wonders for them. Dr Crock shows off the secret to the two C's, Pokeblock Gold and Pokeblock Silver!
Dr Crock explains that feeding a Pokemon a Gold block will make it cool, but,"Possible side effects may include uncontrollable burping!"
Silver Pokeblock will create charismagnetism, though "Some side effects may include enlarged lips and a desire to kiss fings!"
Dr Crock calls for Wobbuffet's mouth to be opened and tosses in a Pokeblock Gold, and then distracts the green haired man for a second as Jesse works her magic, and when the man turns back around.... oh my!
CHARISMAGNETIC!
The man in green can't believe it and leaps up next to Wobbuffet, cups his hands in front of Jesse's breasts, screams he'll pay any amount (you would too) and then takes off with the Pokeblock... much to Team Rocket's delight, as it is apparently just regular Pokeblock in a different colour. If all the Coordinators in this town are as gullible as the man in green, then maybe they can finally rake in the dough!
In the Pokemon Centre, Ash asks Max if he has seen May and he says she must be out training, but when Ash asks about Brock, he discovers that he has gotten even more pathetic than usual, charging about the various pretty girls introducing himself.
"Hi my name's Brock and I'm a breeder!" (snicker) he proclaims. As he fails spectacularly at every step, Ash notes Drew and approaches with the others.
"You're May's little friend, right?" sniffs Drew dismissively, and then asks if any of them are taking part in the contest. When Ash says they're just there to support May, he smirks that they're scared to take part, and Ash throws a tantrum, jumping from foot to foot roaring angrily that he isn't scared of anything while Drew laughs and tosses his fringe back and asks Ash if he wants a battle, which stops Ash short... he wants a battle, like.... a real battle? None of this Contest nonsense?
HEY TRAINERS WHICH ONE OF THESE POKEMON IS BEST TO FIGHT MAGNETON WITH? CROBAT, LANTURN OR GEODUDE? THE ANSWER IS HOLY SHIT GET A SHOTGUN THAT THING IS SOME KIND OF CREEPY BORG ROBOT OR SOMETHING!
When we return, Ash is outside facing off with Drew. He sends in Taillow with a Quick Attack against Roselia, which is hit, flies through the air then tries a Magical leaf. Taillow dodges but Drew doesn't seem concerned, ordering Petal Dance which sends waves of petals at Taillow, but it dodges around and gets higher, and then Ash has a weird quasi-flashback to himself earlier in the Pokemon Centre answering an unasked question by Drew, saying that he can't understand why Drew wants "another go" since Taillow has the advantage over Roselia. Drew retorts in this bizarre made-up flashback that he wants a challenge, not to fight a Pokemon he knows he can easily beat.
Back in the present (and reality) Taillow moves in for a Peck but Roselia uses Stun Spore, so Taillow has to fly as high as it can to dodge, and in the distance May sees what is going on, just in time to see Taillow get hit with Stun Spore and fall as Roselia draws in sunlight for Solarbeam. It blasts and hits Taillow right in the back, sending it crashing to the ground and knocking it out, and Drew wins!
Ash calls Taillow back and May can't believe he lost, but Drew has an explanation ready. Apparently you have to be on the same wavelength with your Pokemon, which means that when a trainer gets confused, so does its Pokemon and.... Well okay I.... huh?
Seriously did a scene get cut out or something?
Later that night May stares out at the forest, depressed by the prospect of an upcoming asskicking, letting Beautifly settle on her head as she remembers Drew and Grace's advice.
The next day, Jesse, the Charismagnetic Wobbuffet and Dr Crock all try to sell their Pokeblock to unsuspecting Coordinators, showing off the results with a leggy lady and a dolled up Cacnea.....
Oh James you do so love your dresses :D
Everyone eagerly wants to buy, while the made-up drag-queen James moans,"ooooh," when he sees May. She approaches and Jesse and Meowth panic in fright while James whispers for them to be quiet and stay calm. May approaches and looks at the Pokeblocks, wondering if maybe this will allow her to win. But then Grace arrives and demands to know what berries were used to make the Pokeblock, and when Dr Crock can't answer, tells everyone that they shouldn't rely on magic tricks and shortcuts, and they especially shouldn't be feeding their Pokemon stuff that they don't know the make-up off. May gasps in horror as she realises what she almost did and drops onto all fours....
She's going to make some jerk very happy one day.
....and then Grace orders Medicham to use Psychic to pull off James' bonnet and strip Wobbuffet nude (oh my), then bursts out laughing at the surrounding Coordinators that she can't believe they all fell for a scam.... and then Team Rocket burst in with their Happy Buddha Face Meowth Balloon, their laughter drowning out hers.
"Prepare for trouble I suppose!" says Jesse.
"Make it double this guy's in a woman's clothes!" yells James, still dressed up as a woman, hooray!
"To protect the world from devastation."
"To unite all peoples within our nation."
"To denounce the evils of truth and love."
"To extend our reach to the stars above."
"Jesse." cries Jesse, revealing her Team Rocket outfit.
"AHHHH, James!" shouts James, pulling off his woman's clothing to reveal his Team Rocket outfit.
"Team Rocket blast off at the speed of light," whispers a serene Jesse, floating by a space backdrop in a yoga position.
"Surrender now or prepare to fight, fight, fight!" adds James, moving up over the same backdrop in a meditative pose.
"Meowth! Dat's right!" cries Meowth, peeing on with a magnifying lens.
"WOBBUFFET!"
Grace asks who they are and May explains, and then Team Rocket grab a bunch of Pokemon (including Beautifly and Medicham) with mechanical arms and then start flying away, only for Medicham to use Psychic and free the Pokemon, which shocks Team Rocket so much that they fall back to a less completed phase of animation!
May has Beautifly use Stringshot to hold Team Rocket in place, but James throws out Cacnea which uses Pin Missile to cut them loose, then as it falls it is grabbed by a mechanical arm. Seviper leaps out but is hit by a High Jump Kick from Medicham. Then Cacnea tries another Pin Missile but gets hit by Beautifly, and Medicham uses Ice Punch to send Team Rocket blasting off again.
May cheers that they did it and Grace says May did a great job, laughs off May's insistence that it was all Grace and tells her to take some credit for a change, she's stronger than she thinks.
And so we see the Contest begin, with May standing next to Drew who smirks at her and laughs.
Oh man, he totally wants to bone her.
| BEST QUOTES |
 "Whoever said I was sure about winning anything?" "You did.... five minutes ago!"WHY DO YOU ALWAYS HAVE TO EMBARASS ME!?! "What we've got will make you into a Pokemon hero! Dating Supermodels and drinking drinks with little umbrellas in them!" "Hi my name's Brock and I'm a breeder!"
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