317: Candid Camerupt
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320: Kachinuki Famiri! 4 VS 4!
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"Oooh, I'm gone," moans Brock and collapses.
"I'm still strong!" insists Ash mightily, then swoons, "Then again, maybe not."
Ennio Morricone music starts to play as the sun beats down on their soon to be corpses, and then an odd yak-like Pokemon stomps its shaggy feet up beside them. Oooh, it's a....
When we next seem them, the twerps are inside a cabin while the Camerupt sits outside. They're thanking their saviours, an old woman and her fat son and daughter feeding them as a little girl offers Max some water and tells him he's cute, much to his shock. Ash checks out Camerupt with his Pokedex, which tells him that they have volcanoes inside themselves! The old lady explains that her kids Victor and Victoria evidently have kids of their own, and considering the sameness of their names well.... ewwww, incest! The eldest of Victor and Victoria's kids - Vito - has only recently headed out of the farmstead to prepare for the Hoenn League, just like Ash.
Meanwhile, we find Team Rocket staggering through the sun, muttering about hot dogs and Snorlax's in leather pants (oh my) and then James collapses. Meowth soon follows, and then Jesse crashes down, legs spread and back to the ground.... which immediately attracts the attention of a young man.
Oh like it wouldn't attract you too!
The young man feeds them, telling them his parents live nearby but he can't return home because... well, it's complicated. He explains as Team Rocket chows down that they needed him to work the farm but they let him leave to follow his dream to become a Pokemon League Champion. But as he travelled, he realised what he really enjoyed doing was caring for and raising Pokemon, not fighting them against each other in cruel bloodsport. But now he doesn't know how to return home without disappointing them.
James cries that he knows just how Vito feels, he ran away from home because he couldn't live up to his families expectations (marrying the VERY dominant Jessebelle) so he vows to take Vito home and explain things to his family. Vito grins though, noting that he might not realise how tough things are until he meets Grandma Vicky.
Meanwhile the twerps are getting ready to leave, but oddly enough the usually freeloading Ash is insistent that they be allowed to do something to repay their kindness. The family at first is reluctant, even when Brock offers to cook up a soufflé, but then the Grandmother's eye glints as things get.... odd.
They introduce themselves: Grandma Vicky - Matriarch. Victor - William Riker look-alike. Victoria - Victor's chubby wife/probable sister. Vivi - Victor and Victoria's daughter/probably incest-niece. They're the Windstraight Family! And what do they want? Well Grandma Vicky wants a Pokemon Battle... unless Ash is scared!
"We'd be happy to battle you, ma'am!" grins Ash.
"So.... no one wants my soufflé?" asks Brock.
Grandma Vicky grunts that just the battle will be fine. Vito was the best of them, but now that he is gone they're without regular competition outside of each other. Victor and Victoria had a similar complaint when the only non-related possible sexual partners moved out of the area, but they solved that problem the same way, turning to each other! They want a four on four battle, but Max doesn't have a Pokemon, so he asks Ash if he can borrow one. Once that is established, Grandma Vicky tells them the order that the Family will go in - Victor first, then Victoria, then Vivi, with Grandma Vicky on clean up.
They head out to the family's own personal battle field, with Ash eager to kick things off. Grandma Vicky will act as Judge, and it seems it will be Victor versus Brock in a one Pokemon each battle with no time limit. Victor sends out a Zigzagoon and Brock calls out his Mudkip, which immediately fires a Water Gun that Zigzagoon dodges before firing off with... THUNDERBOLT!?!
Oh man, Mudkip is down and.... Jesus Grandma Vicky has got some stupidly large breasts.
Vivi explains that without any nearby power plants, they taught Zigzagoon that attack to generate electricity. Victoria grins that if he'd lost then Grandma Vicky would have had him shoveling manure, and she overhears and growls for him to repeat himself, and he quickly gasps that he said it was warm this time of year.
Next out is May against Victoria, the chubby lady calling out a Roselia much like Drew's, which kind of freaks May out. She growls and calls out Beautifly which immediately uses Gust and staggers Roselia, then uses Silver Wind to smack Roselia back and.... out!
Grandma Vicky sighs that she told her not to use Roselia after Victoria moans she never wins these battles. Max is up next and he's chosen the Pokemon he wants to use.... Corphish!
Oh sweet, the happy jerk crab!
Max tells Vivi he isn't a real Trainer yet so he might not be able to offer a great battle, but Vivi says that doesn't matter, then winks at him that no matter what they'll still be 'friends', causing May to giggle that he has a girlfriend now.
Vivi calls out Marrill and Max.... oh boy!
Haha, he's horny!
Ash and Brock shouts at him to get back into the swing of things (in Brock's case that is the pot calling the kettle black) and Max insists he was just getting psyched up, then sends in the wide-eyed, happy jerk that is Corphish. Max tries to offer Corphish a strategy based around defensive moves designed to wear down the opponent, and Corphish.....
Well Corphish just goes ahead and kicks Marrill's ass! Max wins his match with a Pokemon that doesn't listen to him! He runs up to Vivi to tell her he hopes that Marrill is okay, and she screams at him that he doesn't care and she hates him, and Max moans in heartbroken horror as a completely oblivious Ash calls out congratulations and May sighs,"Poor Max."
So now it is down to Ash versus Grandma Vicky, and even though they can't technically lose this battle now, only tie, Ash is still in it to win it.
HEY TRAINERS WHICH OF THESE IS BEST TO FIGHT CAMERUPT WITH? BEEDRILL, NUZLEAF OR MAGCARGO? IF YOU SAID NUZLEAF YOU'D BE TECHNICALLY CORRECT BUT THE REAL ANSWER IS THAT FUCKING THING HAS A VOLCANO GROWING OUT OF ITS BACK SO JUST TURN AND RUN AWAY I MEAN JESUS A VOLCANO IN THE BACK YOU DON'T WANT TO BE STEPPING TO THAT KIND OF PAIN.
Meanwhile Vito has brought Team Rocket to the farmstead, and Meowth starts screaming out hellos as Vito gesticulates wildly for him to be quiet. James insists again he'll do all the talking, but when they look in through the window they find the place deserted... well that or they're all very tiny, according to James.
Vito thinks they might be out at the Battlefield, and they head out and spot Grandma versus Ash, Grandma popping on a sweatband and calling out Camerupt, with Brock acting as Judge.
Ash sends in Pikachu with Thunderbolt which.... does nothing, Camerupt shrugging it off as Max points out it is part Ground Type and electricity doesn't affect it. Pikachu tries a Quick Attack and knocks Camerupt back, but Grandma insists it get back up for Vito's sake, imagine if he was watching RIGHT now!
Camerupt staggers back up and Grandma Vicky grins, saying if only Vito was here to see it. It uses Sandstorm, then charges forward for a Takedown, but Pikachu counters with Iron Tail, smacking it right in the face!
"NOT RIGHT IN THE FACE!??!" cries Vivi.
Yep, right in the face.
See!
Vito pops a hard helmet on with a grin and tells Team Rocket to get undercover, and down in the battlefield the rest of the family has done the same. Camerupt starts to glow red and the volcano on its back begins smoking, because apparently Camerupt don't take kindly to getting smacked right in the goddamn face, and their reaction?
Yeah.
Flaming rocks smash down near the twerps and Team Rocket, Vito asking the latter,"Hot?" while Team Rocket snap his timing isn't exactly the best and his warnings hardly clear. They leg it out of there, James saying they're burned out on the idea of helping him out now. Meanwhile, Camerupt chases Pikachu around with its volcanoes blowing as Ash yells that he wasn't expecting this and Grandma Vicky grins that when this type of thing happens, there is little she can do to stop it. Vito grimaces and figures he'll need to do something, while Pikachu slides off the side of the battlefield and Camerupt rushes over the top of it and straight towards the homestead, and Victor moans that at this rate it'll destroy their crops, and promptly keels over, perhaps suffering from a heart attack.
Ash yells they have to stop it and chases after Camerupt as it zooms towards the garden, and then Vito calls out Alakazam which blasts psionic energy into the air, using Rain Dance to bring down the rain and put out the volcanoes on Camerupt. The yak-like Pokemon stops just short of the garden, blinks slowly, then seems to shrug and just sets too eating food!
The rain clears and apparently Victor’s heart attack got... better. Grandma Vicky notes they never finished the battle off while a still hidden Vito wonders what happened to Team Rocket... and then spots them in their Happy Buddha Face Meowth Balloon!
So uhh.... why were they trudging through the desert when they could have just flown on over it?
A mechanical arm reaches down and grabs Pikachu up from the unsuspecting twerps, as Team Rocket kick off with their motto.
"Prepare for trouble from the bad weather balloon!"
"Make it double and make it soon!"
"To protect the world from devastation."
"To unite all peoples within our nation."
"To denounce the evils of truth and love."
"To extend our reach to the stars above."
"Jesse."
"James."
"Team Rocket blasts off at the speed of light!"
"Surrender now or prepare to fight, fight, fight!"
"Ya got dat right!"
"WOBBUFFET!"
Vito is horrified that he got them so wrong, while Pikachu tries to blast through the mechanical arm but fails, while Team Rocket giggles that they owe this all to that poor pathetic Vito fellow. Ash charges angrily at the balloon flying high in the air beyond his reach, while an angry Vito orders Psychic from Alakazam which rips the arm apart and lowers Pikachu towards Ash who doesn't seem to find anything odd about this at all, taking it all in his stride. Team Rocket try to grab Pikachu again, but Vito calls out Swellow which uses Wing Attack to tear through the balloon and send Team Rocket blasting off again.
Max is confused, where did the Swellow come from? Well Grandma Vicky seems to know, saying that she's figured it was "someone with a good heart" and then proclaims out loud so the hidden Vito can hear that it was her fault for pushing him so hard to go out and try for the Hoenn League Championship, and tells him that he shouldn't worry about the family and just head out there and pursue his dreams.
Well this is all very confusing as Vito expressed earlier that he realised his dream wasn't to compete in tournaments but to raise and care for Pokemon, but apparently he's a very easily mislead young man and he just does what his Grandmother says and walks off into the sunset without even popping in to say hello to his own goddamn family.
Meanwhile the twerps have decided to say their goodbyes as well, and Grandma Vicky asks Camerupt to give them an eruption to serve as a proper goodbye. The twerps gasp in panic and cheese it out of there, making like Vito and getting the hell away from this screwed up, incestuous family and their bizarre, natural disaster Pokemon!
| BEST QUOTES |
 "We'd be happy to battle you, ma'am!" "So.... no one wants my soufflé?"
 Hey, am I crazy or does my little Brother have a GIRLFRIEND!?! "Doesn't look like anyone's home." "Unless they're VERY tiny!"
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